Hello to anyone reading this. I can see that I've had a few hundred views so far, which is interesting. No idea how you found this site, guess you are as desperate as I am to find a cure for depersonalization, hmm?
My inner state has changed, but not positively, mostly negatively since I last wrote on this blog.
In fact, the last time I wrote anything for this blog was in March this year. Wow, that seems like a different lifetime and like I was a different person back then (bizarre sense of time perception and identity is a strong symptom of DP). I went to South America in May, 2 months later and that entire experience was essentially nullified by DP/DR. I felt completely numb and not like myself. In fact I lost every cool part of my personality, muffled beneath the despair and crippling loneliness I felt.
It just made me realize that, though I can still exist and survive, I can't LIVE. I can't ENJOY life, I merely exist in it. I can't perform in any area of my life, particularly socially, anywhere NEAR the same level as I once could, so whenever I meet someone, regardless of who they are, they are meeting a shit version of the real me. A pathetic shadow of a person. It SUCKS, it is SO FUCKING UNFAIR. WHY THE FUCK DID THIS SHIT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME? AS IF I DIDNT FUCKING HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH BEFORE? GOD YOU FUCKING CUNT HOW DARE YOU CURSE ME WITH THIS AFFLICTION. FUCK YOU.
